What if the world was covered in Peanut Butter?

So, as the title asks, what would it be like if the world was covered in a gooey, sloppy mess? I'm not sure, but I bet trying to ride the trails would be a lot like what I experienced this past Saturday at the Park Mammoth Mash.

For those of you with ADD, here's the Reader's Digest version: Rain, more rain, Mud, more mud. Sloppy, nasty, Kenda Karmas suck in mud. Nice day to take my bike for a walk. 3rd place Sport overall, 1st place in the Creepy Old Guy division (40+).

If the above paragraph didn't provide enough detail of my 2 hours of misery, you either need to get a life or are at work and have time to spare. So read on.

I finally talked my buddy Sean into racing this year. We debated going north to hit DINO Warsaw, but they had a risk of rain as well and we decided that we would rather drive 2 hours to not race than 5. So we meet at 7:30 am and head down to Park Mammoth. We knew they had gotten some rain, but it looked like it might be rideable so we took the chance. Besides, what else is there to do in Louisville on Derby Day? It actually looked pretty good most of the way down with some sun and light clouds. But as we got to the exit it started to sprinkle.

When we got parked at the race site it started to rain. But the area looked to drain OK, so we decided that the Folks putting on the race were a worthy charity and we ponied up our entry fees, just in case we decided to race afterall. While all this is going on some of the other Louisville characters show up and now we have to race, since we can't let them go out there and do well while we watch. All the while its raining. Sometimes hard, sometimes not so hard, but raining. Now this is where it gets good: Sean says "as long as it's raining it won't be so bad, the mud won't stick". And he was right. As long as it keeps raining the mud doesn't stick.

We go out and pre-ride a little bit and it already seems like a bad idea. The open areas are good, but the singletrack is slippery. Then there's the railroad tracks. A good portion of the race is run on a thruway for 18-inch wide railroad tracks for some little train. Gravel base, actually in great shape and fast. But the track rails themselves, when wet, are treacherous. OK, just stay between them and it'll all be good. So now we are completely soaked, our paper number plates have melted off the bars and we head to the starting line. An opportunity like this is too good to pass up.

So when the experts line up, the take a count and come up one short. 5 show on the list and only 4 are present. So they start yelling my name. Seems a little mistake was made on their behalf and I got registered as an Expert. So we all have a good laugh, and off the Experts go with me lining up with 20 of my closest Sport-Class friends. We get the standard pre-race talk, warned about the railroad tracks and the whistle blows. I try to get a good start and spin out. Mad scramble ensues and i get thru the gate and into the Singletrack around 10th. It's a short section and we pop out into a gravelly-roadish area and I drop the hammer to catch up to the leaders that are about 30 yards ahead. We hit the first section of railroad tracks and it's amazing how hard it is to hold a straight line. I guess everyone was paranoid about making contact with the rails. A couple of guys do and go down. So we work down towards the first real climb of the race. Unfortunately, there was some recent bulldozer action right at the base meaning soft, nasty red mud awaits. I saw this during the pre-ride, and planned to cyclocross it right from the beginning. This paid off as I took the tight line and was off the bike and running up the hill before most of the guys figured it out. I ended up in the lead at that point with Blaine Heppner, Sean and Mitchell K. The 4 of us managed to get away from the rest of the group. We stayed reasonably close together until Mitchell had some mechanical issues and dropped off. So the remaining 3 of us stayed pretty much together the rest of the lap and about half way into the 2nd. We caught up with Kiersta and that's when Blaine left us for good. Sean got away as I took a tumble on a slippery wood bridge right in front of Kiersta, forcing her off as well. It had stopped raining sometime before this point and the mud was really starting to stick. I caught Sean as he was having chain-suck problems and knowing he is a better bike handler decided to open a gap when I could, expecting him to catch up on the technical stuff. Around the end of the 2nd lap/early in the 3rd (I don't remember exactly) I was caught and passed by a guy from the Nashville MTB club. He caught and passed me so quickly I first thought he was the Expert leader, but he was in Sport and obviously handling the adversity much better than I was. I knew I had been in 2nd behind Blaine and was really content to get 3rd as the trail was getting worse and my mental state was going south as well. From that point on it was survival mode. A couple of guys got close but I took advantage of the open sections to maintain a good gap. I ended up finishing in 2:01, 3 mins behind Blaine who took first. Sean ended up DNF due to the mechanical issues.

This race was really tough for me, as it challenged my bike handling skills and didn't allow me to take advantage of my fitness. I pushed my bike up most of the hills as I just couldn't seem to get any traction and running/pushing was faster in most cases. I think I crashed about 10 times. My bike was a mess and I'll be surprised if it works right again. I rode it today and it's heading to the shop for some love. But I didn't DNF. It was the closest I ever came, it's a good thing I didn't know that Sean quit at the end of the 2nd lap or I might have joined him. I give lots of credit to everyone who stuck it out. Also, props to Andrew Llewellyn who won the High School championship race. His frame had arrived at the shop the previous day at 1 pm and was built late that day. Great performance on a new ride.