Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Do these jeans make me look fat?

Ah, the age old cliché question that can only be answered "No its the giant hunk of lard you stuffed into the jeans that make you look fat." I try to be sensitive.

The thing that just kills me, daily, is people bitchin about their weight, everything from "Work here long enough and you'll start to look like me" (I didnt know a workplace could make you look fat and retarded) or "Youre lucky to be so skinny." Either statement is usually made while wiping donut crust or sauce from the 20 piece chicken poppers with honey-chipolte-dogcrap-cherry-sauce from their face. Really? Its the desk job that makes you look like this? You sure? OK then. I've been working office jobs for almost 10 years now, I guess I'm gonna blow up like the kid in charlie and the chocolate factory any minute now.

Speaking of shitty food, ever notice that McDonalds, Taco Bell, KFC, etc, etc, commercials always star reasonably thin folks? How about some truth in advertising and throw in some of the normal wheezing buoyees and weeble-wobbles you see inhabiting these places? Either show me some fatties or the skinny 20 somethings hocking oreo pizza should at least have a bong sitting on the table cuz thats about the only way that food item could ever seem like a good idea.

The best is those who marvel at my "heathy diet." Guess what? I buy my food at the same Kroger/Wal-Mart/Wholefoods/Target that the general public is allowed to shop. Really, anyone is allowed to buy the same items at these retailers, I do not belong to a secret skinny healthy people club, I just make choices.

The point? Shut up and stop complaining about something youre willingly and knowingly doing to yourself. Stop blaming tv, your diet, the internet, george bush or whatever you claim is making you fat cuz I have my suspicions that none of those things are stuffing cookies down your hole.

6 comments:

bentcrank said...

That is great!! I thought there was a bong missing in that oreo pizza add too!! LOL

I applaud you on keeping your weight down. I have been working on bringing mine back closer to where I was a few years ago. It has been an up and down progress that I hope to put back on a down trend.

Rowbear said...

oreo cookie pizza plus bong hits = a symbiotic relationship

Anonymous said...

hey mr. "do these jeans make me look fat," didn't I see u drinking a slim fast after the race the other day?...

Anonymous said...

u find a bike for this weekend?

Anthony said...

Hey that was Morgans slim fast, I was drinkin rich chocolatey ovaltine (+ coffee).

I think the 12 hour is out, bike is broke and Curtlo wants to go on a man-date to see Wilco. And I love Curtlo. And man-dates.

keith said...

"Going to get fat like ya daddy." That is what people told me when I started driving a truck. "Wait till you get older, you'll get fat." I'm still waiting on the fat. Funny thing is people stuffing their face while telling you how they need to start exercising